Mama's House

Sorry guys. Not happening today. Of course, any of you who were interested could still go and practice on your game yourselves.

"Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona. Not all holes, or games, are created equal."

-- George Will

Kimmel's response comes during his show after the Oscars this Sunday.

You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the goddamn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all.

-- Earl Weaver

Joni just told me that she's planning on going snowboarding on Sunday. So that means batting cages on Saturday for all those interested. Hours are 10am - 8pm on Saturdays. So early afternoon, say 1ish? See you there.

"It (a baseball box score) doesn't tell how big you are, what church you attend, what color you are, or how your father voted in the last election. It just tells what kind of baseball player you were on that particular day."

-- Branch Rickey

Well I suppose this is one less thing Faye can throw up after a night of drinking.

Among working-class downtown shoppers, belligerent clubgoers and adventurous foodies, devotion to the famed "heart-attack dogs" is strong and strident, a source of raw L.A. nostalgia.

So you can imagine the frustration of vendors like Palacios, caught between the demands of the market and the demands of the law.

She would love to sell bacon-wrapped hot dogs — trust her — but a trip last year to the women's county jail, a trip she says officials orchestrated to "make an example" of her, finally pushed her to give up the bacon and illegal grilling device she used for so long. Instead, she prepares dogs the only way the county Environmental Health Department currently allows, by boiling or steaming. Not grilling. And grilling is the only way to make a classic L.A. bacon-wrapped hot dog.

"Honestly, I can tell you, I've been a working person all my life, I've worked since I was 9 years old," Palacios says. "I don't like being bothered, I don't like being arrested. Never in my life had I been to jail, and they threw me in jail for violating the laws of the health department."

She's not the only one. Ask any Fashion District hot-dog vendor and he or she is sure to have at least one story of being cited, arrested or even jailed for grilling bacon-wrapped hot dogs on the sidewalk.

So why are these tasty treats now effectively banned from being made?

Now a commander, he remains adamant in urging eaters to understand that when prepared on the street, bacon-wrapped hot dogs are illegal on several levels, and potentially hazardous to your health.

"I've seen cockroaches just pour out of the bottom," he says. "I've seen meat sitting out in the sun for hours. We've seen hot-dog carts where the owner has a little bottle where he urinates, because he doesn't want to leave his cart. And he stores the bottle alongside his food."

I suppose the possibility of a hot dog basted in urine is a good reason to regulate hot dog vendors but doesn't it make more sense to narrowly regulate the cleanliness of the vendors rather than to ban entirely the practice of grilling hot dogs? It seems to be a classic case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

Of course, one can still get their fix after a night of drinking.

Below the legal vendors are the more ubiquitous operators of homemade carts, which usually consist of propane tanks strapped to modified baby strollers, Target shopping carts or, in most cases, tool carts. They operate completely outside of codes and regulations, their particular rules and organizational methods a mystery to outsiders.

Licensed vendors like Palacios refer to the makeshift bacon-wrapped-hot-dog vendors as "ambulantes" or "piratas," colloquial terms for unlicensed street vendors in Mexico. The ambulantes of L.A. present a host of problems not only for licensed vendors, who often get lumped together in the media with the pirate cart owners, but for law-enforcement and health-and-safety officials as well.

Basically, you can still get your bacon-wrapped hot dog but instead of from someone who is legally licensed and possibly clean you'll be getting it from an illegal cart that is most dirtier than the street it's being sold from.

And to top it all off,

"They told me, 'The mayor wants to make this area like New York, Times Square,' but I told them, 'Who told him we want that? The people who come here are not like that....' Why are they coming now to get us out of here? Why the abuse? Why the abuse?"

Seriously, who the fuck wanted this law in the first place? Who are the idiots that said, "Hey, Mayor, if you want my vote for re-election you'll have to get rid of the bacon-wrapped hot dog or at least make it so that I can get it only from the dirtiest hot dog carts out there." The whole thing boggles the mind.

Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.

-- Ted Williams

I just need a headcount for Vegas, trying to decide which Hotel will be best. And if you are going what day you will be arriving and when leaving...

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshipped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex.

-- Bull Durham

To help get us in the mindset for the upcoming softball season I thought I'd share a quote about softball's better half, baseball, everyday until the season begins.

A good friend of mine used to say, 'This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.' Think about that for a while.

-- Bull Durham