Mama's House

Annette (seeing that Angelynne has noticed Vanessa's tongue ring):  Angie, what does Vanessa have on her tongue?
Angelynne:  Balls.

Austin (with iPad in hand):  I really want an iPad.
Wayne:  So get one.
Austin:  Well I have to buy a vacuum.
Wayne:  Get both.
Austin:  Can't.
EJ:  Which vacuum cleaner are you looking to buy?  A Dyson?
Austin: Yeah, a Dyson.
EJ:  The one with the ball?
Austin:  Yeah!
EJ:  Yeah that vacuum cleaner is so awesome!
Wayne:  Is this conversation really happening?
Austin:  Yeah it really is awesome!  It can really suck.
EJ (with a dejected tone):  I really wanted one but had to settle for a different one.
Sara:  A different one that gets the same job done.
EJ:  But the Dyson pivots on a ball.
Austin:  And it truly has amazing suctioning power.
EJ (doing his best Charlie Brown):  I really wanted a Dyson.
Austin:  I'm getting a Dyson.

Jayden playing basketball in his backyard as Annette and I watch on.

Me: Your kid actually shoots the ball the right way sometimes but he needs to learn how to do it consistently.
Annette: Yeah, my brother actually wants him on his team of 7 - 8 year olds and he's coaching his kids that right now. I wish my dad were still around because all he did with my brothers was teach them how to play basketball.
Jayden: Yeah Mom but he's dead now.

austinrf: Any news on the softball front?
austinrf: I have started training... I am going to be in tip top shape.
austinrf: I just need basic softball mechanics
Bruin7089: haha
Bruin7089: I just got the papers in the mail
Bruin7089: Our team so far is:
Bruin7089: Faye
Bruin7089: Jason
Bruin7089: Annette
Bruin7089: Jade
Bruin7089: Brian
Bruin7089: Annie
Bruin7089: You
Bruin7089: Me
Bruin7089: Sara is part time
austinrf: We need to re-think our pitcher approach
austinrf: EJ?
Bruin7089: EJ and Joni depend on what night we play
austinrf: ah
Bruin7089: Karen might also play
Bruin7089: and we definitely need to rethink pitching
austinrf: EJ is our Andruw Jones
austinrf: you'd think he'd be good
austinrf: or atleast decent
Bruin7089: dude
Bruin7089: you gotta go there
Bruin7089: why you gotta go there?
austinrf: I went there
Bruin7089: I'm about to call you our Eric Gagne
austinrf: hahahahahaha
Bruin7089: maybe Jason Schmidt
austinrf: OH FUCK NO
austinrf: I am furthest thing from Schmidt
Bruin7089: We put up with your prima donna antics
Bruin7089: and you don't even play
austinrf: Schmidt = pussy ass bitch
Bruin7089: due to "injury"
austinrf: Injury is over
austinrf: rehabilitated
austinrf: I am a bad ass softball playing machine

Looks like Austin is already getting up for softball. Is everyone else getting ready for a new season?

Annalynne: Eww Jayden! Don't kiss me! I don't want to get married!
Annette: Anna, people get married by going to a church and having a wedding ceremony, you don't get married just by getting kissed.
Me: Yeah, but kissing is how you make babies.

Lindsey is about to answer by touching the screen.


Lindsey, with finger still hovering above 24 inches, hesitates.


Granted, Lindsey was under the influence.

austin (9:02:14 AM): HAHAHHAHA
austin (9:02:19 AM): Darryls costume = hilarious
Bruin7089 (9:02:24 AM): no shit
Bruin7089 (9:02:58 AM): He looks more like Candy Pimp than King Kandy
austin (9:03:04 AM): lol seriously

The latest on Lindsey's newest boyfriend.

Lindsey (6:32:13 PM): he thought you were going to call him retarded
Lindsey (6:32:16 PM): he's special
Lindsey (6:33:27 PM): special like geometry for the 3rd time
Bruin7089 (6:33:38 PM): wow
Bruin7089 (6:33:44 PM): You've got a keeper there
Lindsey (6:33:48 PM): and he rode the short yellow bus
Lindsey (6:34:02 PM): he's a keeper alright.
Lindsey (6:34:08 PM): oh yeah no helmet required
Bruin7089 (6:34:36 PM): anything else about your boyfriend you'd like to share?
Lindsey (6:34:57 PM): he's got a big weiner he says
Lindsey (6:35:06 PM): i dont know what a penis looks like you know

Apparently knowing how to cook rice isn't something all Asians know.

Lindsey: you have a george foreman right?
Bruin7089: why?
Bruin7089: used to
Lindsey: cause i want to use mine to cook carne asada but i dont have the instructions
Bruin7089: not sure where that thing is now
Lindsey: lol i think mama gave it to me.
Bruin7089: what the
Bruin7089: 5 - 7 mins cooking time tops
Bruin7089: what instruction do you need?
Lindsey: What temperature?
Bruin7089: i would go on high
Lindsey: Okay
Lindsey: Can you cook brown rice and white rice in the rice cooker at the same time
Bruin7089: no
Bruin7089: they require different cooking times
Lindsey: Ok
Bruin7089: Are you even part asian?

Lindsey: What kind of cousin is Oliver for not inviting us out to Vegas?
Me: Ummmm..... I hate being the one to break this to you but.... After your last "performance" in Vegas, I don't think any of the cousins outside of Vanessa will be inviting you out to Vegas with them.

Annette: Do you like everyone Jayden?
Jayden: Yeah, everyone except for Austin.
Annette: Why not Austin?
Jayden: Because he sucks at Rock Band... he can't sing!

Setting: Getting ready to play Rock Band as Popes Gone Wild.

Lindsey: Wouldn't it be cool if there were an actual Pope band?
Me: Popes Gone Wild is that band.
Lindsey: No, I mean a real life band.
Me: Popes Gone Wild is real. Don't ruin this for me Lindsey.
Lindsey: But it would be awesome if there was a real Pope band.
Me: You mean a band made up of actual Popes?
Lindsey: Yeah, that would be so cool if Popes decided to get together to form a band.
Me: You know there's only one actual Pope at a given time since they serve until they die.
Lindsey: Well maybe it could be the Pope and his assistants that form the band.
Me: Like The Pope and The Bishops?
Lindsey: Yeah.
Me: Dork.