Mama's House

I'm a little late in posting this actually but I'm not the only one - I'm looking at you Annette.

Mehran's homecoming got pushed up and he made his return yesterday. Those in the know say he looked much better upon his return than he did on departure.

So everyone, be sure to give Mehran a warm Mama's House welcome back home. How do you give a warm Mama's House welcome? With lots of cheese.

UPDATE: Annette, ignoring my wishes for a traditional Thanksgiving menu, has said she will make pansit palabok and Jade said he would make BBQ. I suppose the bbq can serve as a main dish alternative to the turkey - and seeing that I could totally screw up the turkey, that might not be such a bad thing to have - and I suppose the pansit can be some sort of side dish or stuffing alternative.

Not a bad start to the Thanksgiving menu.

So apparently I've been charged with making Thanksgiving happen. Actually, I more or less said us cousins could handle it. Now I know what you're all thinking, it probably ranges from, "Goddamnit Wayne!" to "What the fuck were you thinking Wayne?" Now before you all get upset over this, let me remind all of you that we pretty much pulled off Christmas last year when many of the titas and uncles were away. This is going to be a lot like that Christmas but with a lot more food and hopefully less of those terrible jello-shots that were made.

First things first in planning this year's Thanksgiving, the food. Of course, we gotta have turkey and since Joni got me this turkey deep fryer last Christmas, I'll be making the turkey. Yep, that's right, deep fried turkey. Doesn't this sound like it's going to be the most awesomest Thanksgiving already?

Outside of the turkey the only things we absolutely need to have are side dishes, stuffing, dessert, and drinks. Now I want to try to keep this a more traditional Thanksgiving. That means instead of dinuguan, maybe mashed potatoes. And really nobody has to cook anything if they don't want to, but remember what Robert Rodriguez has to say about cooking, "Not knowing to cook, is like not knowing how to fuck." And it would be nice if we could pull this off, seeing that we are old enough to pull something like this off. Also, you could just buy this stuff instead of cooking it yourself.

Anyway, so what would you people like to have for this Thanksgiving and what are you willing to cook or buy precooked for the meal?

Well according to this article Roland, myself, Darryll, Mehran, Austin, EJ, and Oliver would probably do best not to. Not that the article knows the aforementioned would probably produce some fucked up offspring - I kid because I love - but on other grounds.

Sonja Hastings of Fathers-4-Equality says that “no matter how decent, hardworking, and caring you may be as a father, that in the event of separation, you will more than likely not get custody of your child, you will lose up to 80% of all of your assets, you will have to pay up to five times the cost of raising a child, and most importantly you could never see your child again.”

Combined with the divorce rate it's not surprising that there's been a bit of a movement that we males from the Fonacier clan might be wise to consider.

There is mounting evidence that as men discover the terms of marriage and divorce today, they are engaging in a marriage boycott or marriage “strike”: refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife walks out and how attractive the divorce industry has made it easy for her to do so.... In Britain a fathers’ rights group tours university campuses warning young men not to start families. Even one attorney writes a book concluding that the only effective protection for men to avoid losing their children is not to start a family in the first place.

Now the article goes on to state that men should enter marriage with complete knowledge of how screwed over they could be if things go bad and to do so with a prenuptial agreement. She also elicits advice that others would give to young men considering marriage and here are a few responses I found illuminating. First, the uncertainty of marriage.

Don't do it fellas.

I'm married, and happily so, but the more I see, the more I feel like a guy who played a slot machine while walking through the airport in Vegas, and just happened to hit the jackpot on the first try. Marriage is exactly like gambling. Yes, you're going to see a few winners, and the fact that they exist encourages a lot of other people to gamble, but that doesn't mean gambling is a good investment strategy.

Also, bear in mind that marriage isn't just one gamble. You're not going to be the same person in ten years, and she isn't either. Particularly if you have kids, an event that can significantly change your outlook on life. What are the odds that the people you'll be in a decade will get along with each other?

Find a girlfriend, treat her well, but don't ever let her take you for granted.

And because of that uncertainty I wholeheartedly agree that one should take the precaution of a prenuptial agreement. Too jaded you say? Setting up the marriage for failure or even a sign that one shouldn't get married? Well,

Finding the right mate is someting you strive for, knowing that the is no surefire way of doing it... people change suddenly or over time. Sometimes people hide some things, and sometimes you deny them. This isn't a "New" thing. So what to do?

I boils down to this: If everyone chose their mate wisely, If everyone knew everything there is to know about their mate, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we? Both genders can change, and some do, because they don't have to try anymore.

So? Protecting yourselves legally is a reasonable fallback. Accepting the risk after knowing what it might be, is only prudent on the part of both parties.

Still not convinced that a prenup is the way to go? Well maybe Kanye can convince you. You ain't no punk are you?

Still want to get married and willing to sign a prenup? Continue reading on then.

I'm a happily married man, because I was lucky enough to find the right woman. So marriage has been a great blessing in my life.

But I realize I'm extremely lucky, because I know my happiness is unusual. I know many men who are unhappy with their marriages, and i know many men who've been victimized by the legal system in the process of their divorce.

I have a son, and my advice to him is this: When you consider marriage, know what you are risking.... Consider that carefully, and know that you are placing your hope for happiness in the hands of another. You are rolling the dice. If you are still sure, still confident you found the right woman, and willing to approach it a lifetime, irrevocable commitment - no matter what - then by all means do so. Thinking of it this way may give you the certainty you need to make the right choice.

Okay, are you still sure you want to get married? I mean seriously, you've got to be damned sure. So you're absolutely certain as certain as 2+2=4 that you want get married but want to know if you've found the right girl? Here's some advice on that,

Good sex is not a reason to get married. How do you know when you've found the right one? Ask two questions: 1) Do I care more about her needs than my own? 2) Does she care more about my needs than my own?

Good advice for men and women: When you are courting, pat attention to how your potential mate treats people with less power than them. Do they treat waitresses, cleaning ladies, and handymen with dignity and respect or are they dismissive and callous? Because that's how you'll be treating as the power relationship changes during your life.

My personal advice to men contemplating marriage is this: ask yourself if she would stay with you if she had to support you. Based on the notion that we're all supposed to marry our best friend, whomever makes the money shouldn't be the basis for the marriage. Yes, money isn't the reason for a marriage, but most divorces sure have money at their roots.

There's tons more advice given about whether men should marry in the first place and how you know when you've found the right woman and I suggest all of you guys go read it. There's a lot of experience that can be learned from.

With Halloween upcoming I was wondering what everyone's favorite candy bar is? As for me, I really like Crunch, Twix, and the always satisfying Snickers but my all-time favorite has to be Kit Kat.

It was brought up yesterday by Melanie and Tita Evie that Papa was missed. It prompted me then to ask them to share a story about Papa. Instead, Melanie thought it better that I solicit from all of you to either post or comment a favorite story or memory of Papa. I'll be expecting those posts.

For me, it's difficult to recall with the detail needed to retell a specific story about Papa. I don't know if it's simply the passing of time that fades my memory or the more bothersome idea that memorable events with him merely didn't even occur.

Notwithstanding, I can remember an oft said phrase of Papa's, "Nothing doing." This phrase would oftentimes be said while he watched the Dodgers. He would say, "Nothing doing Dodgers," damn near every time they failed to score in an inning. He would say it in such a way that it was generally expected that a MLB team was to score every single inning and that the Dodgers let him down every time they didn't. He would do the same thing with the Lakers when they didn't score on every possession. And I remember how it would greatly annoy me to no end. I don't know if I was annoyed because as a youthful fan I took any perceived slights against my teams personally; or maybe I thought it showed he didn't quite understand the game fully; or perhaps him saying, "Nothing doing Dodgers," only highlighted how terrible they were doing; but at times it would get so annoying that I would have to leave the room and stop watching with him.

So come to think of it, Papa was a lot more annoying than I wish to remember him.