Mama's House

Well according to this article Roland, myself, Darryll, Mehran, Austin, EJ, and Oliver would probably do best not to. Not that the article knows the aforementioned would probably produce some fucked up offspring - I kid because I love - but on other grounds.

Sonja Hastings of Fathers-4-Equality says that “no matter how decent, hardworking, and caring you may be as a father, that in the event of separation, you will more than likely not get custody of your child, you will lose up to 80% of all of your assets, you will have to pay up to five times the cost of raising a child, and most importantly you could never see your child again.”

Combined with the divorce rate it's not surprising that there's been a bit of a movement that we males from the Fonacier clan might be wise to consider.

There is mounting evidence that as men discover the terms of marriage and divorce today, they are engaging in a marriage boycott or marriage “strike”: refusing to marry or start families, knowing they can be criminalized if their wife walks out and how attractive the divorce industry has made it easy for her to do so.... In Britain a fathers’ rights group tours university campuses warning young men not to start families. Even one attorney writes a book concluding that the only effective protection for men to avoid losing their children is not to start a family in the first place.

Now the article goes on to state that men should enter marriage with complete knowledge of how screwed over they could be if things go bad and to do so with a prenuptial agreement. She also elicits advice that others would give to young men considering marriage and here are a few responses I found illuminating. First, the uncertainty of marriage.

Don't do it fellas.

I'm married, and happily so, but the more I see, the more I feel like a guy who played a slot machine while walking through the airport in Vegas, and just happened to hit the jackpot on the first try. Marriage is exactly like gambling. Yes, you're going to see a few winners, and the fact that they exist encourages a lot of other people to gamble, but that doesn't mean gambling is a good investment strategy.

Also, bear in mind that marriage isn't just one gamble. You're not going to be the same person in ten years, and she isn't either. Particularly if you have kids, an event that can significantly change your outlook on life. What are the odds that the people you'll be in a decade will get along with each other?

Find a girlfriend, treat her well, but don't ever let her take you for granted.

And because of that uncertainty I wholeheartedly agree that one should take the precaution of a prenuptial agreement. Too jaded you say? Setting up the marriage for failure or even a sign that one shouldn't get married? Well,

Finding the right mate is someting you strive for, knowing that the is no surefire way of doing it... people change suddenly or over time. Sometimes people hide some things, and sometimes you deny them. This isn't a "New" thing. So what to do?

I boils down to this: If everyone chose their mate wisely, If everyone knew everything there is to know about their mate, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we? Both genders can change, and some do, because they don't have to try anymore.

So? Protecting yourselves legally is a reasonable fallback. Accepting the risk after knowing what it might be, is only prudent on the part of both parties.

Still not convinced that a prenup is the way to go? Well maybe Kanye can convince you. You ain't no punk are you?

Still want to get married and willing to sign a prenup? Continue reading on then.

I'm a happily married man, because I was lucky enough to find the right woman. So marriage has been a great blessing in my life.

But I realize I'm extremely lucky, because I know my happiness is unusual. I know many men who are unhappy with their marriages, and i know many men who've been victimized by the legal system in the process of their divorce.

I have a son, and my advice to him is this: When you consider marriage, know what you are risking.... Consider that carefully, and know that you are placing your hope for happiness in the hands of another. You are rolling the dice. If you are still sure, still confident you found the right woman, and willing to approach it a lifetime, irrevocable commitment - no matter what - then by all means do so. Thinking of it this way may give you the certainty you need to make the right choice.

Okay, are you still sure you want to get married? I mean seriously, you've got to be damned sure. So you're absolutely certain as certain as 2+2=4 that you want get married but want to know if you've found the right girl? Here's some advice on that,

Good sex is not a reason to get married. How do you know when you've found the right one? Ask two questions: 1) Do I care more about her needs than my own? 2) Does she care more about my needs than my own?

Good advice for men and women: When you are courting, pat attention to how your potential mate treats people with less power than them. Do they treat waitresses, cleaning ladies, and handymen with dignity and respect or are they dismissive and callous? Because that's how you'll be treating as the power relationship changes during your life.

My personal advice to men contemplating marriage is this: ask yourself if she would stay with you if she had to support you. Based on the notion that we're all supposed to marry our best friend, whomever makes the money shouldn't be the basis for the marriage. Yes, money isn't the reason for a marriage, but most divorces sure have money at their roots.

There's tons more advice given about whether men should marry in the first place and how you know when you've found the right woman and I suggest all of you guys go read it. There's a lot of experience that can be learned from.